i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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