i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
