I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
