Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
