It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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