I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
