Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
