well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
