So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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