I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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