Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
