I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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