sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
