Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Drunk is not a location!
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
