Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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