never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
