Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
