I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Girls should come with a carfax report
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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