Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
