so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
