It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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