I wish I could punch you in the face.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
