just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
