I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm like, not good at living.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
