I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
