I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
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Operation Purity has been aborted
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
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You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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