I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
