when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
