Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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