I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
