i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You are the jesus of drinking
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize