I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
