Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
