I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
