Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
