I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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