he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
