His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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