When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
