The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
