I feel great
I just peed on a car
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I woke up under a house in Key West
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
