Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
