i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
