If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
