I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
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There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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