I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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