do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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