Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
