just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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