Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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