is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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