so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
