New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
