Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
