girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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