Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
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We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
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This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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