I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
