I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
