Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
