dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
