Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
