ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
