drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize