I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
