3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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